Fitness Test

Wow. I've watched the brother do this before and found it quite amusing - anyone with an older sibling will relate to the warped joy of seeing them do something out of choice that makes them suffer. However, it's not really as funny now I've done it myself. It was pretty hard, and I don't think I'm built for suffering.

Andy Blow - the guy who did my test has a depressingly good palmares - Ironman, Half Ironman, Olympic Distance Triathlons... So he was built like a racing snake, jolly cheerful, but the man's a pro. Not really the kind of person I want to feel unfit and overweight in front of but hey ho, in for a penny and all that.

The humiliation for which I had paid £145 started with a weigh in. Joyous. Then a body fat percentage check using electrodes. 22.2% in case you're interested. Not too depressing and for me quite pleasing as it is just below being smack in the middle of average. 20 - 25% is were you're meant to be, or at least that's what the chart on Andy's wall said. But apparently endurance athletes like me (bless him) should be aiming for the very bottom end of this or indeed off it all together in the 18% - 19% region. Hmmmm.

Then came the actual testing - stationary bike, heart rate monitor, SRM cranks and a computer screen to follow my pathetic progress.

Basically the test comprised of me riding for 3 minutes at a steady cadence and power. Then Andy turning up the gears and me increasing the power for another 3 mins. And repeating that till I couldn't do it anymore. Andy interspersed this with stabbing me with a pen to take a blood sample for my lactate (?) and asking what my perceived rate of exertion was. I didn't really have the heart to tell him it felt hard from when I walked in the room and it hadn't got any easier. So I stuck to the chart he held up which had words like "steady" on it.

Then I got a rest. Which I liked. I got water.

Then the hard bit began.

Starting at the point I finished at last time - which from memory I described as "fuckin horrible" - not on the chart but I think he got it. I had to maintain a certain power output for a minute, then Andy turned it up by 25 watts. You have to maintain the power output for a whole minute or you don't win (I'm making up my own rules now) but basically whatever the last complete minute before you explode is ridden at gives you your MMW or some such abbreviation. Just to point out, Andy did a great job of explaining what all this was about and why we do it and sent me a very clever report afterwards. But I'm not good at science and for that reason tend not to pay attention so thus I don't know what my MMW will help me with but apparently mine is 300 - which I was quite pleased with. Until I spoke to the brother - who despite me telling him I was coming off the back of 2 days heavy training (how he must laugh, he'd just done Amstel Gold and was about to go into Fleche... for training) said that "to be honest France, I thought you'd be better than that"

Arse.

So in short - I did it to find out my Zones - which are a little higher than I thought. And I got lots of extra numbers, which seem to serve to inform me I am not as fit as I could be, I'm carrying too much weight and I have a lot of work to do.

I think you'll agree - £145 well spent.